With a little time at hand

So for a change, today I have some time. It reminds of the days of nothingness, when had less to do but to introspect. Though I never really did any serious introspection. I think, I was just killing time thinking.

Anyways, it's been about four months here, and I'm significantly more uncertain about what I want to do in life, than I was when I came to ISB.

There are just so many options, and if there's anything I've realized about myself, it's that options baffle me. My indecisiveness almost always gets the better of me.

I screwed up the bidding process so badly that I got none of the courses I really wanted to take in the next term. While I feel slightly disappointed about this fuck up, I'm also simultaneously happy that I resorted to fate accompli - that is, I did not get to decide it for myself, and left it on chance. 

There's a limit of how bad it can get - I mean, it's just one term - and I'm hoping all the good guys took better courses anyways - so I'll be in a class which has a lower expectation about its own expectations. So, may be I'll get an A. Or May be not. Don't Know. Don't Care.

The high points of the day though was that I got to meet Ankur Warikoo today. When I meet people like him, it reinvigorates my zealousness; zealousness to do something different, to take risks, to achieve excellence, to be outspoken, to manage myself better - and what not. 

He said, it's important to know which industry one's headed towards. And I sat there thinking : where am I going? what am I pursuing? Consulting or Retail? What am I focusing on? Grades or Experience? Am I getting too comfortable here?

Surviving an MBA

It’s almost hard to believe that it’s been two months at ISB already. And really, what a roller coaster this is. As an alum rightly pointed out in a session yesterday – one won’t necessarily miss these days in the time to come. An MBA at ISB is ‘highway to hell’ – he rightly said.

 

But then, the eventfulness of the last months is hard to ignore. It’s like I squeeze out the eventfulness in the last four years of my life, it’ll probably be equal to the eventfulness I’ve squeezed in the last two months. Shit happens – and then it sorts itself out. By the end of it you’re all stressed and you’d like to burn the burn-out so you party like crazy. That pretty much sums it up.

Honestly speaking, in the first two weeks, I felt my natural self won’t even last in this place. There’s just so much going on around you all the time – and you tend to find yourself around so many great people that it’s almost impossible to be your own un-interesting self. But then like interest rates come down in a growing economy – people’s guard of pretentiousness comes down in a fast paced MBA. And then you feel you’re more like everybody – than you thought you were.

 

Not to say that there aren’t any jerks in your personal life. But then a few phone calls here and there – and you’re sorted. The funny thing is that there isn’t an iota (imaginary) second available to think about it. May be I spent the last four years thinking what I’ll do in life. And maybe I’ll spend this year doing things without thinking them through.

 

Also, I think I’m becoming more and more Punjabi everyday. Not something I’m terribly proud of. At the risk of exposing my bad taste in music, this one's on the jukebox.

 

 

 

Pistanthrophobia

So, I learnt a new word today - Pistanthrophobia. Going by the dictionary - it means the fear of trusting people. It's mostly described as a disorder. I think I suffer from it.

Now, to be brutally honest - I have a hard time trusting people or as some say, letting my guard down. I think I've always been wary of trusting people, but only recently have I seen a spillover of this personality trait in my professional life. 

If you're a stickler for getting the job done, and getting it done well - then you can only delegate stuff to people whom you really tend to trust ; perhaps, people who have as much at stake as yourself. But that doesn't happen always. I mean it's a hierarchy. Some people have more at stake and some have less. And as responsibilities increase, you'll have a hard time believing that you'll be able to get everything done by yourself - if you can't find anybody trustworthy.

It then boils down to inculcating this habit of trusting people first and then giving them opportunities - instead of hoping them to prove their trustworthiness first. And this applies not only in the professional sphere - but also in your personal life. We never completely trust all our friends, do we? It's a little trickier with friends than with colleagues at office. There's no job to get done here. One needs to trust their intent.

I need to draw this to a close now. The only self corrective action that I can think of from this moment of introspection - is to start trusting people more often. Instead of asking: Why should I trust him/her? - I need to ask - Why shouldn't I trust him/her? Life would be incredibly easier(and simple, and less devious) if everyone around yourself could be trusted.

So, if you know me - then I'm going to trust you - I'm going to trust your abilities, I'm going to trust your intent, I'm going to trust your willingness to help - unless of course you give me a reason for doing otherwise.