So, the candles blown, hips shaken and gifts taken. I've succumbed to yet another year of existence, teetering the unit digit of my age barometer by a unit distance . In short, only yesterday , I turned twenty two. I can't but help confess, that as soon as I hit the full stop of the last sentence, I observed for a while, the cursor blink monotonously , just to be able to realise the seriousness of what I had typed. Yes, I am twenty two. I know that I am, and I'm trying to convince myself that it's as much an occasion to feel a little grown up, as it is to sit back , hold that cup of tea and think about what lies ahead.
Just a day before, I was the insane horse riding in wilderness, with its whims tugged tight to the chest, unaware of the dichotomies of an adult life. Quite in contrast, right now I'm this twenty two year old hound, trying to visualize stuff, that otherwise seemed direly trivial, with a well weighed acumen and a long term perspective. I can all but ask myself, if this transcendent shift in thinking is but natural, or a figment of of my own hypersensitivity. Either ways , I'm forced to consider it.
Responsibility, in general, is repulsive. Now that I seem to be half a year away from affording myself completely, I seem to be at crossroads.Insecurity is like a dog , wagging its tail at the very sight of food. The food, here would be success, or anything that you may fear to lose. You may try harder to keep it with you, and much ironically, you may end up losing it ,just because you tried a little too hard. I'd rather opt out of trying too hard, or trying at all.
That said, I think , it's time. It's time, when I balanced things up. It's time, that I realised, that there was more to life than just me and my ambition. It's time that I explored as deep as I could in myself, just to be able to figure out , what I'm best at doing. It's time that I assumed responsibility, and said : Look world, and keep looking.
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