Ikkatees Maar Khan

The new year is approaching, and it's only expected of me to turn a little nostalgic. Or was that 'santimentalle'. The new year marks turning on the lid on a box of memories, some good, some bad, all mingled together and enclosed air tight. I know, it's only in retrospect that I'll get to enjoy them, the fact that someday I will ,is satisfying enough.

2010 was enough adventure for two years together, more so , it sort of compensated the monotony that college life has inflicted. I should  but I wouldn't talk about the past. For a change, I'm going to zoom ahead and try  asking myself, what I expect from the year ahead . It's a dangerous thing to make public, but unless I make a conspicuous assumption that nobody's reading this blog, I'm unable to write anyway, so I'd rather take the risk.

Of all things, I've ever longed for, I just hope that this year, I get , what they simply call : Satisfaction. 


Cheers 2011.

Quantum Mechanics

It's 7:50 by my watch. The usual things have already been done the very usual way. Tea had and investments discussed. Newspapers sought and kept gleefully over the side table. Menu for breakfast fought over, decided, then changed, decided, fought over, decided, changed , decided. Playlists pondered upon punctiliously,and put on hold. Blankets folded inside out. Milk bought and kept in the kitchen. Spectacles cleaned and looked into. Sounds irritatingly mechanical, doesn't it?

I think , it's just cliche to abstain from a mechanical way of life. It's probably not the 'cooler' spontaneous way of living, isn't it? The only quote that strikes my mechanical senses right now is that "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". When I look at my life with an eye of scrutiny , holding more than just a magnifying glass, I find beauty in this mechanical living. No, I'm not saying it to justify anything. What do I have to prove to you, but my stupidity? and this instant, I don't care if I manage to too. 

While the world perceives this sub-conscious affinity for an order to be a personality trait, and definitely not a good one at that, I think I see it as if each day is a new play in the same theater. How do you draw parallels, if the theater keeps changing? In other words, how do you get to know if the day was good or bad, if there isn't an underlying benchmark of sorts. 

It might be that you haven't realized, but you were swear by a mechanism too, you just don't know it as yet.The maggi you had every time you were up till four . The decent cup of tea, every time you needed a break. That one mechanical phone call to a friend, just to know if he/she still existed. It's all so , for the dearth of another word, mechanical.

If only you could get when I say : There is beauty in order, a beauty in mechanical life. Why? I don't know. Reminds me of another quote: " Beauty is in what cannot be defined."

  

The Evil in me

There have been instances, when the mind thinks completely off track. By off track , I don't mean abstract, it's something else. It's like a diabolic intention running parallely inside me. This intention, so to say, I have come to term, the evil in me.

Now, the evil , may be harsh, but it's hidden. Never at the look of perfectly sane human, would one realise the presence of such devilish tendencies.Well, there's a good chance that it might be just me, or that you're yet to accept that the evil exists in you too. The crux is, how deep and how potent this evil in you ,is. That's precisely what might make the difference.

How one perceives the insidious devil , is a figment of your own fertile and febrile imagination. I look at it as an efficient way to vent out anger. The mind , as such, is this cage, where you can exhibit yourself to be anything you want to be, have split personalities, malicious intentions, and still sneak away fallaciously. Isn't that enough? Sometimes, it is but then, only sometimes.

It's okay for me to write about this, because I'm direly confident, that this as a phenomenon is common to one and all. There's a devil in all of us, that gets aroused at the slightest of injustice, the minutest of ridicule, and even at the premonition of conspiracy.

So, the question arises: Just because there's an evil in us (yes , us !) , does that make us bad people , in general ? Isn't it just fine, or if I may say, even more fine ( the grammatical error is intended), to be satisfied having taken revenge in the corners of one's own mental cage? That again is a matter pure perception. Some people like the real, one on one thing much better.

As for me, I think I'm pretty cool with assassinating people mentally in the most imaginative of ways. The one thing I do sulk about though, is that none of my adversaries have given me the provocation to do the real thing. If only , I had enemies worth a fight. Sigh.