Notes to Self - I

Just so much has changed since the last time blogged.

I'm a year older. My hairline seems to be receding. I find myself in a long distance relationship. I also have an admit from ISB. So, in about a year's time I'm going to be an MBA. Believe me when I say that I don't, at the slightest, mean to boast.

I don't even know how much I've detested doing an MBA. But shit happens. There are enough motivations outside of yourself that guide your decisions. They're more influential than you would imagine.

I've probably lost my edge in blogging. That's what not being regular at something does to you - you're a dude one day, and another fine day you realize that you're a dud.

I believe the only thing that can make this blog interesting is if I be completely honest about how I see the world. More than three years out of college, and people still tend to think I'm diplomatic when it comes to being bitchy. I don't blame them. I don't really bitch that much - at least not in public. I'm going to change that from now on. May be I'm only going to bitch publicly now.

Perhaps,I need to start bitching about myself first. I'm such a non-sense prick at times. I depend solely on my ability to talk people into things. Things I believe in at that moment, and may not believe in, a few minutes later. I would end up being such a shitty manager. But may be I will change. Or may be I'll just become a lawyer one day.

On the top of my mind these days are relationship hassles. I'm a bit of a prick when it comes to being in a relationship. I'm super insecure, super suspicious, and super paranoid.

I think every boyfriend goes through this dilemma. Nobody wants to sound patronizing - but you just can't stand some stuff. I'm slowly learning the art of being direct. In a long distance relationship - the bandwidth to learn from non-verbal gestures is extremely limited (as you'd imagine).

Are you super insecure about your significant other? Well, don't kid yourself into believing that it's a signature of your affection. It's not. In most cases, it displays your competitive arrogance. Most people like to think of their boyfriends/girlfriends, as their prized possessions - and you fear losing them to others - just like you fear losing your face in public.

I think I'm getting better at dealing with this. Apathy helps. Engage yourself in something. Like I'm engaging myself in writing this. Try to remind yourself that you strive to be a good person first, and then an achiever. Then concepts of happiness and contentment will start creeping in your mind. Finally, you will begin to reason with yourself. And you'll start thinking of something more sensible.

On the jukebox.